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admitting failure

I’ve never been good at failing anything. No matter how tiring or stressful anything is, I usually “rise to the challenge” so to speak. I’ve never had trouble reaching deadlines and multi-tasking…until now.

After weeks of procrastinating, I finally admitted to myself that there was no way I would be able to finish one of my term papers for this semester. Since late January, I was suddenly bombarded with triple my normal workload and needless to say I have had more than my fair share of stress lately. Instead of being able to divide my time between work and school, I found myself completely focused on work because of the endless issues and concerns that greet us everyday. I neglected my schoolwork and I have no other reason but that I was simply too tired to do anything else but sleep when I get home.

I approached my professor this afternoon and told her that I would not be able to submit my paper on time and was told that I would be getting an “incomplete” grade for the course. For someone who’s never failed a subject in her entire academic life (yes, I am THAT big a nerd!) it was such a big blow to take. My professor was “heartless” (her words not mine) but I preferred her frank honesty rather than false pity or consolation. Not making the deadline was entirely my fault. She didn’t really need my reasons.

I already switched jobs to be able to finish my studies. My present job was supposed to give me the time I needed to do that…It’s now getting to a point where I feel that I’m being asked to choose again: my job or my studies.

I’m still bent on getting my masters degree no matter how dejected I may seem about it right now. I’ve made too many sacrifices not to push through with it. What happened was such a blow to my “perfectionist” nature that I would have to take time to come to terms with it. I’m 28. I should know by now that there will always be consequences with the choices I make. In the last “battle”, my job won and my schoolwork lost. It just sucks feeling that it might always be that way.

Categories: personal Tags: , ,
  1. March 12, 2008 at 2:07 am

    I’m totally where you are now regarding the difficulty of balancing school and work, but it’s pretty impressive that you’re working on your Master’s. I, on the other hand, am still making slow progress on my degree. :-/

    *Long-time reader, hope you don’t mind that I randomly comment here once in a while. =)

  2. March 18, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    No worries Chayenne! And thanks for dropping by. 🙂

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