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Eating My Words

I’m a planner—I get a rash when anything goes out of plan. At a very young age I was already thinking about my future. Everything I did targetted a specific goal—all the choices I made were all carefully calculated.

I didn’t know what triggered it but while I was having my coffee this morning I was suddenly hit by a moment of retrospect. It was not intentional but things in my life didn’t really go according to plan as I’d hoped. I tend to think that those things were out my control but upon closer inspection, I had to revise my initial hypothesis: things didn’t go according to plan because I made the decision to stray away from The Plan in the first place. Do I regret those decisions?

I took a pre law course in college because I wanted to be a lawyer. My undergrad course only had three required units of mathemathics which was fine by me. By the time I was taking political science and media law, my conviction to be a lawyer had wavered. I didn’t like the idea that a good lawyer is someone who makes the system work for his client: I began to have a distaste for the the word “technicality”. What I liked about the law was that there was a clear definition of what’s right and what’s wrong which works well for my rather “control-freak” nature. What turned me off is that good lawyers can make what’s obviously wrong NOT wrong because of a technicality. Call me a moralist but I thought I didn’t have the stomach for that kind of career. I didn’t bother to take the LAE. Besides, I fell in love with media production by then.

Still, I wonder what could have happened I did go through with law school. Whenever I talk to my fiancé about this, he just tells me that if I went through with law school, we would’ve never met. I guess I should thank God for small graces. 🙂

I swore never to work for a television network. I don’t really watch local tv—call it elitist but I believe television can offer a lot more than half naked dancing women, game shows, love teams and tear jerkers. After I graduated from college, I sent resumes to several networks just to “go with the flow” but I didn’t push through with my applications. Instead, I worked my way up from a production assistant to a small time executive producer “outside”. I worked in theater, for a private corporation and in advertising. It was only when I decided to pursue graduate studies that I moved to a network since it offered regular work hours and “stability”. The job’s pretty routine and I have to admit that I sometimes miss the fast paced “ngarag” lifestyle I used to have but it’s a small price to pay. I am now nearing the end of my graduate studies and I actually learned to appreciate the company I work for. No regrets here.

I planned to be married by the time I was 27 years old (the deadline has passed). To this I say, better to be married late to the right man than to get married at the right age to the wrong one.

I said that I will not marry someone who has similar fashion sense as my father. At his age, my mom and I still have to force him to wear something appropriate to formal events. His idea of a formal attire is a clean polo shirt and plain Kamikaze pants. He’d rather be caught dead than wear a polo. My graduation pictures are a constant reminder: my dad was wearing a light blue polo with a scowl. I’m now engaged to a guy whose entire wardrobe consists of round necked shirts, khakis and sneakers. We have to buy/borrow stuff whenever he needs to attend formal gatherings. Him and my dad make such a pair.

So basically, two major facets of my life—my career and my relationship—didn’t go according to my plan. I can’t complain. I didn’t become a lawyer but my career’s doing fine. I’m up for another promotion and hopefully, in a year or so, I’d get my master’s degree and would finally be able to teach at a university.

As for my romantic relationship—I’m extremely lucky to find a guy who just loves me without question. Other girls aren’t so lucky.

After careful consideration, I would have to say that the digression from The Plan served its purpose. My fiancé’s right; if I did become a lawyer, I wouldn’t have met him and I’d probably still be single by 27 considering the work load of a law student.

Isn’t it just great when things go way better than we expected?

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  1. clare
    August 19, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    we can plan all we want but at the end of the day God is really the one who knows best and things end up better than we expected ano?

  2. August 23, 2008 at 6:50 pm

    it is fun to plan and it is also fun to watch the plans either go awry or push thru – what matters? fun 😀 welcome sa WPP!

  3. August 30, 2008 at 8:14 am

    @clare: too true.

    @kenkay: I was just realizing that. Dati kasi when things don’t fall into plan I go ballistic! hehehe

  1. August 18, 2008 at 1:00 pm

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